A Witch In Time by Tony Lewis
Author:Tony Lewis
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Next Chapter
Published: 0101-01-01T00:00:00+00:00
* * *
Count Jocular stood at one of the many windows that punctuated the walls of his vast castle. His vast and very new castle. Well, it was new to him anyway, the building itself was already a good couple of hundred years old.
He'd recently taken over residence from the previous tenant, Count Slaughter, who'd hung up his cape and retired to a secluded vineyard in the South of France (he wasn't interested in wine, he just liked French food).
Until a week ago, Jocular had been plain old Sever The Cartilage Cruncher, a jobbing vampire plying his trade in northern Romania, but a call from his mentor, Macerate The Lung Lacerator, had changed all of that.
When a vampire lord is no longer holding court over his lands (either through retirement, death, or being fired), the wheels were very quickly put in motion to find his replacement, because after all, those layabout peasants won't go slaughtering themselves don't you know. Those candidates deemed most suitable are chosen from a group that've been nominated by a sponsor, a trusted and well respected vampire who thinks their charge might be up to the task. These few are then sent on an intensive residential course to finally determine who should fill the vacant position.
Surprisingly, even though the course is vampire based and strictly for vampires only, it is a challenging one, and extremely hard to complete. You can't just turn up, put on a fancy cape, slaughter a few innocents, and ask for your certificate. No. It's far more diverse than that, and specifically designed to weed out the weaker prospects, and as you'd expect if you've ever been involved in anything similar, there was classroom based learning, role-play scenarios, discussion groups, homework, and a series of examinations and practical exercises designed to test the prospective vampire lords knowledge and skills.
The examination questions varied from easy multiple choice, for example:
Question 4. Where is the best place to bite a victim to ensure a good blood flow?
A- On the neck
B- Between the toes
C- Skegness
D- 47.6
to essay type tests where the candidate has to discuss such topics as 'When is a virgin not a virgin?' 'How do you cope with coffin fungus?' and 'How do you hang upside down for eight hours without feeling queasy?'
Jocular had done well on all of the tests, but it was his final paper that had swung it for him. He'd written a well researched piece entitled 'Being a vampire lord. My cross to bare.'
And so here he was. Master of all he surveyed. A smile passed across his face.
âToofer,â he said, quietly.
Almost instantly the door to the room opened and his servant entered, ready to do his bidding. It was almost as if there were a psychic link joining them, an unspoken and powerful force connecting them with a special bond that meant Toofer was never more than a thought away from his master's beck and call. Well, there was a bit of that, but in reality, Toofer was scared witless by Jocular, and always hung around within fifteen feet just in case he was needed.
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